It's the depth of winter, Christmas is over and you have to appear to be a normal functioning member of society once more. The weather is a desperate disappointment and instead of beautiful snow scenes all you get is damp drizzle and gail force winds that whip your hair round your face like a badly placed balaklava, leaving you temporarily blinded. Thus, in the centre of this miserable scene is you. Suddenly you feel a tickle in your throat, as it rises your left eye starts to water, but the right is scratchy and dry, meanwhile your right nostril is streaming, completely unstoppable, but the left is blocked, you can't breathe without looking like a confused goldfish as you stand there with your mouth open.
You have a cold.
Though common enough, hence the name, a cold suddenly seems to have the most annoying impact upon your day to day life. For starters, you can't breathe through your nose, forcing you to become one of the infamous mouth breathers. You wonder around looking gormless and breathless in the hope you're not attracting attention with this stupid look on your face.
Although you can't breathe through your stuffed up nose that doesn't seem to prevent one nostril from creating a constant stream of grossness. Que constant sniffing and nose blowing (which, may I add is one of the most awkward things to do in public, seeing as it's impossible to do without sounding like a baby elephant).
However this constant nose blowing leads to the trademark look of a cold sufferer; the red nose. Your nose gets all sore and painful, as if this wasn't enough, you look like a disgruntled Rudolph.
And it's not just the nose that's causing an issue, your throat's deciding it wants in on the cold action too.
I've found that during a cold, your throat only has two feelings - fire and ice. It's either burning hot and tickling or it's icy cold and fiercly sore.
This is when the cough comes in. It chooses to brew at the most inconvenient of times; when the whole room is quiet or when you're mid conversation. Oh, you can feel it, lingering, a dusty tickle rising up your neck. The more you try and stop it the worse it gets, it's all you can think about, your entire face turns the traffic light red of your poor sore nose and your eyes are streaming emotional tears with the pressure. Until you explode into the most ridiculously loud and uncontrolable coughing fit that has ever occurred in human existance and you're stood there coughing up a lung thinking it will never end.
Not only this but your entire head feels like its been stuffed and surrounded with a thick layering of cotton wool. You can't hear clearly and your thinking process is not ordered or logical. This is not helped by the fact that you're tired all the time because you wake yourself up every hour of the night with another unstoppable coughing fit.
But, I'd like to leave a message of hope for all those cold sufferers out there, it will end. Just snuggle up with a hot drink and get cosy, until you're able to function as a human again...there are better days ahead...